Wednesday, 7 November 2012
Words: Deep from Heart !
Inspiring
Words
from
Real Couples
Surprising
words of hope from everyday marriages.
By Sarì
Harrar and Rita DeMaria | Ph.D. from The 7 Stages of Marriage
The 1,001 men and women who participated in the Reader’s Digest Marriage in America Surveydidn’t
get paid to participate; in fact, all that sparked their participation was an
e-mail. But they willingly gave their opinions and words because — we assume —
the topic of marriage meant a lot to them. That became obvious the moment we
started to read what they had to say.
We asked them to
share the most cherished moments — and deepest regrets — from their marriages.
And so they did. They talked about moments of connection at an out-of-town
diner, over eggs and coffee at 3 a.m. Of a wife waking from a coma and a
husband proposing marriage from a hospital bed. Of affairs they regretted and
companionship beyond anything they feel they deserve. Of children and kisses,
elementary school sweethearts, and second marriages that feel just right.
As you’ve seen
through this book, their collected wisdom is poetry, filled with hard-won joy
and wisdom that speaks eloquently of the true state of marriage in the United
States. Not every comment is heartwarming, mind you, and not every sentiment is
universal (such as the one from a guy speaking of the joys of open marriage),
but all are honest and true. We hope these moments from everyday marriages
touch you as much as they moved us.
- My husband is my best friend, my soul mate. We have both promised each other that when the other goes, the one left behind will not date or remarry, as we both believe that we were lucky to have found the perfect mate and will be married for eternity.
- I asked the universe for my perfect match, thinking that no such thing could happen, and the universe provided. I am thankful and blessed to have my husband.
- After being married two other times, I finally got it right. I have a wonderful husband who I can talk with all the time.
- We have had an open relationship and open marriage since 1995. We both date other people, and everything is out in the open. I have two girlfriends and my wife has one boyfriend.
- Wouldn’t give a nickel to do it again, but wouldn’t take a million to lose her.
- I love my wife with all my heart and forever will. She is my guiding star. My everything.
- Can’t live with her, can’t live without her.
- Being married to my spouse has provided me with an insight to myself that I would never have achieved otherwise.
- She can’t see well; I can’t hear well.
- We liked each other in the fourth grade, again in the eighth grade, and still again as seniors in high school. After we both graduated from college, we got married and have been happily married for 43 years.
What I Love …
- When I wake up to my husband gently kissing my arm.
- Whenever he says or does something to show love without being prompted.
- Whenever there are deer, bunnies, or snow in our yard, and my husband sees them before I do, he always comes and gets me to see them too.
- Watching our marriage increase in quality over the last 20 years. We have learned that it’s necessary to have good communication.
- Every night after work, getting a simple hug and a kiss and saying “I love you” to each other.
- Seeing
him as my father walked me to him; his face was perfect.
- Having
our children from our previous marriages in the wedding. We became a
family together.
- That
he flew 2,000 miles to marry me.
- The
look he gave me when he saw me in my wedding dress. His face and his eyes
were so full of love, as if I were the most beautiful person in the entire
world.
- The
day my husband asked my son (from my previous marriage) if he could have
permission to marry me. Also the day my son walked me down the aisle.
- When
my husband gave me the engagement and wedding rings I currently wear —
both handcrafted for me — one from his family’s birthplace in Ireland and
one made by a designer. The love in his eyes and heart when he gave them
to me were more than words could ever describe.
- Everything
was so beautiful, especially my wife and two daughters who were our flower
girls. Even now, two years later, I ask my wife on our anniversary if
she’ll marry me again!
- The
day of our marriage, we went to the movies, to a Brad Paisley concert, and
then we went back to our hotel. The best thing about it was that it was
just like any other day, not anything fancy, just another day of Kelli and
I being together.
- The
moment she said, “I do.” From that time on, my world’s never been the
same. I have her and she has me — we’re the most inseparable couple.
- How
absolutely beautiful she looked on our wedding day.
- Traveling
7,000 miles to Japan to marry my wife.
- Finding
out we were pregnant with our daughter. We found out on Christmas Eve.
We’d been praying for a child for almost six years.
- My
husband being with me the whole time I was giving birth to our son. He
held my hand and described what he was seeing.
- The
day our daughters were born. He had tears in his eyes — it showed me how
much love he had for our daughters. He might look like a strong, hard man
on the outside, but inside he’s a very sweet, loving man.
- When
my husband told me he wanted to adopt my children.
- Bringing
our baby son to our company’s Christmas/family day. That’s when I really
felt like everything had come together for us.
- The
doctor letting me deliver our son.
- The
day we brought our daughter home from the adoption agency.
- The
birth of our first child. She was to be induced labor in the late
afternoon, so I went to work and was planning to get off early, but then
they had to induce her much earlier. I was across town making a delivery
and had five minutes to get to the hospital. I didn’t make it, but we
kinda laugh about it. When our second child was born,I took the whole week
off, just to make sure I wouldn’t miss it!
- Watching
our children become successful in their careers.
- Time
spent fighting about things that were really not important.
- Years
of harsh words that cannot be erased and all the mistakes that were made
that hardened our hearts and brought us to the level that we are at right
now.
- That
I allowed my husband early in our relationship to yell and verbally abuse
me for a number of years before insisting that he go to anger management.
- My
own job that took so many years away from “our” lives — it was a total
worthless drain. Little money and no recognition for 18-hour days.
- Old
age. There is not much golden about it. Illness and surgeries have
interfered with growing old and enjoying our golden years.
- Writing
a very pointed and mean e-mail to my wife during the second year of our
marriage. We were on the verge of divorce.
- I
most deeply regret the resentment that has built up through the years and
our lack of passion.
- That
my wife and my first daughter (from my previous marriage) don’t get along
all that well.
- Not
taking my wife to a professional after she had a tubal pregnancy at the
age of 35 and was never pregnant again. Had the doctor known what to do,
we could have saved our only child.
- Not
starting to save for retirement and children right away.
- Not
getting married in my wife’s country with her family around us.
- I
regret my total lack of understanding of a bride’s expectations for the
first night of marriage.
- I
love being married, but it can be challenging. If you try to maintain an
attitude of fairness and an ability to admit when you’re wrong, you can
get through most things.
- We
decided before marriage that divorce was NOT an option. Our problems would
be worked out no matter what. Of course, it helped that we were at least
10 hours from the nearest in-law, so running home to Mama wasn’t an
option.
- Divorce
is too easy these days. In a marriage, you have to keep working at it and
not just focus on the bad qualities. You’ve got to remember the good
qualities of your partner, why you loved them when you first married them.
- Keep
an open mind, openly communicate, and don’t let things get out of hand.
Handle small slights and problems immediately. It’s been positive in our
marriage and has helped us to survive.
- My
wife and I don’t make very many decisions by ourselves, especially when it
concerns family needs. We are very good about bouncing ideas off each
other. We don’t argue. We just state our opinion to each other and go on
loving.
- We
both willingly give up our wants and our needs for the other’s benefit. We
have always bolstered each other and tried to keep our criticisms gentle,
never bringing each other down intentionally. We are always willing to
forgive and forget quickly, and go forward.
- Communication
is the most important thing — without it on both sides, there is no
marriage. The point is not trying to change the other to fit our desires;
it’s taking them as they are.
- The
day that we walked through our brand-new home and took a second to relish
the feeling that it was truly about to become ours.
- Watching
the sun come up on the top of the Haleakala volcano in Hawaii.
- Recently,
after an argument, instead of verbally apologizing, I came home to find
that he had cooked dinner for me.
- When
I came home from a business trip and the house was completely cleaned, and
all over were little notes that said “I love you.” I found those notes for
weeks.
- How
gentle, kind, and helpful my husband was when my father was dying of
cancer.
- The
day I banged into the garage door, and his response was, “Guess it’s my
turn to do something dumb now.”
- My
husband’s “best man” speech at his friend’s wedding. He told the couple
that he wished them the happiness in their marriage that he has in his.
- We
had been married about six months, and I had a major toothache so bad I
could not stand it. He was so concerned. He called all the dentists in the
area, begging each one until he found a dentist that would see me that
morning. He took the entire day off work and spent the whole day taking care
of me and only me.
- Reading
the Hans Christian Andersen story “Great Claus and Little Claus” at a
picnic for two by a river, and laughing and laughing.
- My
wife surprised me with a chance to DJ at our favorite club for my
birthday. She’d done all the legwork as far as setting it up and only told
me when I had to start picking out music to take.
- The
day he told me I was his best friend.
- Waking
up on a weekend morning with a whole day of lazing around together ahead
of us (important contextual note: pre- children!).
- One
rainy afternoon, sitting on the couch — him on one end, me on the other
with our feet in the middle — each reading a book.
- Realizing
that she deserves better than me and could have found a better life, but
instead she picked and stayed with me.
Tuesday, 6 November 2012
Fifty Years Ago !
What They Did For Love
By Andy Simmons from Reader's Digest | February 2008
As blind dates go, it was a good one. The year was 1950, and some friends figured that 20-year-old Grace Miltenberger might like their fellow Marine, Bob. They were right. “I thought he was the most handsome man in the world, and I fell right in love with him,” she says. It was mutual.
They dated happily for almost a year, then Bob up and disappeared. No calls, no visits and, most maddeningly, no explanations.
Not one to wallow, Grace enlisted in the Marines. Four years later, she and Bob hooked up again. Neither remembers the exact circumstances, but Grace does recall, “I still loved him.” And after a few months, her finger sported a big, fat diamond engagement ring.
Then it happened again. In October 1954, she got a call from Bob saying he couldn’t go through with it. No reason given; he just couldn’t do it.
“The not knowing why is what hurt the most,” says Grace.
As before, she collected herself. In 1958 she married another man, and over the years, the couple had five daughters. But the marriage was an unhappy one, and adding to Grace’s anxiety was a secret she kept from her husband. Taped to the underside of a dresser drawer was the engagement ring Bob had given her. After what he put her through, most people might have pawned it or tossed it in a river. But not Grace. “I never stopped loving him,” she says.
When her faltering marriage dissolved in 1969, Grace devoted herself to her daughters and to getting degrees in sociology and nursing. Fast-forward to 2004. The phone rings. A voice says, “Gracie?”
“I threw the phone in the air and said, “Oh, my God. It’s Bob.’”
He’d called under the pretense of finding out where the guy who’d introduced them was buried. Three and a half hours later, they hung up. During their chat, Grace learned that Bob was a widower after 48 years of marriage.
“I never figured out what happened to us,” he said at one point.
“I’ll tell you what happened — you dumped me.” But she wasn’t mad. She was thrilled to be talking to him.
On New Year’s Day, 2005, they became engaged over the phone. Six months later, Bob visited Grace at her home outside Tulsa. It was the first time they’d seen each other in half a century. He showed up at her doorstep, and, she says, “we just walked into each other’s arms like we’d always been together.”
On the day he popped the question, Bob said, “Now I guess I’ve got to get you a ring.”
“No,” she said. “I’ve got one.”
“Who gave you that?”
“You did, you big, dumb jerk. Fifty years ago.”
This time, Bob didn’t run away.
Welcome with Jazz Band !
True Love Stories
What They Did For Love
By Andy Simmons from Reader's Digest | February 2008
“I really can’t think of anybody who wouldn’t appreciate being met at the airport by a jazz band,” says writer Calvin Trillin. “I suppose there might be some people who are in the witness protection program.”
But Calvin’s wife, Alice, wasn’t some hood in hiding, and she would, he knew, most definitely love being feted by a jazz band.
The year was 1972, and Calvin was in Louisiana covering a crawfish festival. Back in New York, Alice’s parents were both ill, and she was coming down for some much-needed R&R. Calvin wanted to cheer her up. He called a friend at Preservation Hall about getting a band. But Jazz Fest was in full swing. All the good ones were booked. So he took what was left.
When Alice’s flight landed, she deplaned and walked smack into a wall of sound — brass, to be exact — tooting a rousing rendition of “Hello, Dolly!” For her. And she laughed.
“She saw it as a grand gesture. And I don’t think she cared that the cornet player was actually an antiques dealer.” In fact, he wasn’t even from Cajun country. He hailed from London. And the trombone player? Norwegian. They happened to be in town for the festival.
Calvin and Alice strolled arm in arm through the terminal, trailed by their personal band blasting out standards. Along the way, passengers fell in behind and began second-lining all the way to the baggage area.
“Usually not the most interesting of times, waiting for your bags,” says Calvin. “But they kept playing.”
Alice died a few years ago, but Calvin clings to the memory of that day. “She was a very engaged person,” he says. “Having a jazz band meet her fit her personality.”
So what if he couldn’t land a Satchmo or a Wynton Marsalis? As Calvin reminds us, “Imperfect gestures are still nice gestures.”
Love at First Sight !
 |
| Patrick Moberg created a website in order to find the dream girl that he saw in passing on the subway one night. |
What They Did For Love
The world’s most puzzling proposal and three more www-inspiring true love stories.
By Andy Simmons from Reader's Digest | February 2008
On a Sunday evening last November, Patrick Moberg, 21, a website developer, was in the Union Square subway station in New York City. “Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed this girl,” he says.“She had bright blue shorts and dark blue tights and a flower in the back of her hair.” New York’s fun if you’re a guy — the city’s lousy with gorgeous women. But this one was different. She was his perfect girl.
When the number 5 train pulled into the station, the two got on. “I was enthralled,” he says. “I noticed details like her braided hair and that she was writing in a pad. I couldn’t shake the desire to talk to her.”
Taking a deep breath, he headed her way. Just then the train pulled into the Bowling Green station. The doors opened, a rush of humanity swarmed in, and then suddenly, she was gone.
He considered giving chase, but there’s a fine line between blind love and stalking. He thought of plastering the station with posters. Then a brainstorm: the Internet. “It seemed less encroaching,” he says. “I didn’t want to puncture her comfort zone.”
That night, the world had a new website: nygirlofmydreams.com. On it, Patrick declared, “I Saw the Girl of My Dreams on the Subway Tonight.” He drew a picture of the girl etched in his mind, along with a portrait of himself with this disclaimer pointed at his head: “Not insane.”
The website spread virally, and soon he had thousands of leads. Some were cranks, and some were women offering themselves in case he struck out.
Two days later, he got an e-mail from someone claiming to know the girl. He even supplied a photo. It was her. She was an Australian interning at a magazine, and her name was Camille. And she wanted to meet too.
Their first meeting was awkward. And why not? It was set up by Good Morning America. Like the rest of the media, GMA saw a great love story and pounced. But being sucked into a media maelstrom isn’t necessarily conducive to a nascent love affair. “There was a lot of uncertainty on how to act around each other,” Patrick said. And in the back of Camille’s mind, a nagging thought: Who is this guy? The media circus eventually moved on, giving the two a chance to talk without a microphone present.
“Everything I found out about her was another wonderful thing,” says Patrick. She was smart, funny and a big personality, a nice fit for this shy guy. “And,” he continues quietly, “we’ve been hanging out together every day since.”
Thinking back, he sighs. “It’s amazing everything went without a hitch.”
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